Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
