Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Do vagina's smell?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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