Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
please come you make the beer taste better
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
How external is "for external use only"?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Randomize
