I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
