So drunk its hurt
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
