i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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