and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
