so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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