real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My cat gives me a boner
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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