apparently the secret to your success is patron
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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