you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
