Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
