what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
someone owes me an orgasm
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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