Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
stop calling my apartment porn island.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
