hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
