P.S. I can't hear my feet
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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