Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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