y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
