For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
