There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
