your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
