You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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