my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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