He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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