She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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