The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
