I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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