Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He shit in the fireplace
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