What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
