How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
