Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
