Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
