This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
