I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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