I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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