I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
