nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
