Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
