Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
