I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
