is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm too high and old for this...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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