that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
