singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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