there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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