just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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