could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We were destined to go to rehab together
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
