It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
