Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
