i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
