I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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